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- ETHICS, Page 36An Appointment with Dr. Death
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- Since the night he was shot in the back, Gary has come to
- know a great many doctors. The surgeons could not get all the
- pieces of the bullet out of his spine. The neurologists could not
- reverse the paralysis, which locked his body in place from the
- neck down. The pain specialists, chiropractors and acupuncturists
- could not relieve the agony. If you were to go into the
- intensive-care unit and take the sickest patient you could find
- who was dying, that was my condition. Anything that could go
- wrong did. I was in constant pain most of the time.
-
- When he finally came home after nine months in the
- hospital, his social worker was at a loss to restore peace to
- the one part of his body that still worked perfectly: the brain
- trapped in the body lodged in the wheelchair. I require total
- care. I can't feed myself, I can't drive, I can't dress myself,
- I can't go to the bathroom by myself. I need someone to brush my
- teeth for me. I need someone to get me out of bed. I need
- someone to open the mail for me. I am always in some degree of
- pain or discomfort.
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- Gary had worked as a crisis counselor, but that expertise
- was more a source of irony than comfort. He had lived an active
- Los Angeles life, liked running, was looking forward to
- settling down. I was ready to find someone and fall in love. All
- the pieces in my life were in place. All the pieces had now
- fallen apart, and no amount of psychotherapy could stick him
- back together again. Realistically, there is no cure, and this
- type of life is not acceptable to me.
-
- So after five years of fighting, Gary went looking for one
- more doctor, the one he had heard about on television and read
- about in the papers. He followed the case of Janet Adkins and
- supported both her decision and Dr. Kevorkian's role. Last
- April, when he finally reached Kevorkian, they spoke very
- briefly. Kevorkian asked that he write a letter explaining his
- situation, which Gary did, very, very slowly. I'm able on a
- computer with one hand and arm to touch one button at a time.
- I wrote the letter and addressed it. He wrote back to me. He was
- very sympathetic and felt a genuine sorrow for what had happened
- to me.
-
- In his letter to Gary, Kevorkian outlined the conditions
- of his "service." "First, I can help patients only in
- southeastern Michigan; and you have already stated willingness
- to travel. Second, the service cannot be performed in any rented
- facility because of potential legal difficulties. I'm sure you
- can understand the reason for this. Therefore, I must ask if you
- have any relative or friends in this area who could make a
- privately-owned domicile available for your use." He asked for
- Gary's medical history and for permission to contact his doctor.
- "I sympathize with your sad situation and wish that
- circumstances were such that the above obstacles would never be
- a factor in helping people like you. Best wishes, Jack
- Kevorkian, M.D."
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- Over the next weeks they stayed in touch, as Kevorkian
- helped Gary find a private home to die in. He explained that the
- Michigan state legislature was moving fast to ban
- physician-assisted suicide. Gary speeded up his planning, had
- a psychiatric evaluation and assembled a meeting with family
- members and their minister to talk through his decision. He had
- attended a Unitarian church growing up, but has since drifted
- away from faith. When I think about dying, there's a preparation
- I have to go through. I've always had a sense that there's an
- afterlife. When we leave, I believe that we're going somewhere
- else. We leave behind a body, but a spirit moves on.
-
- Late last month Kevorkian called again. I think his words
- were something to the effect, "We have to wrap this up. How
- soon can you be here?" I thought for about 10 or 15 seconds and
- I said, "One week." Kevorkian assured him that there was still
- time, that the law would not take effect until next April and
- that Gary could change his mind. Kevorkian has said he has no
- intention of obeying the law anyway. Gary meanwhile is taking
- things day by day. We have now completed everything that Jack
- asked us to do. They're going to shut him down April 1, and I'm
- going to be one of the lifeboats off the Titanic. I'm thinking
- somewhere between January and March. It could be sooner. The
- luxury of having more time is gone.
-
- I look at my situation like a war. If you take it from the
- beginning, there were a lot of battles. Some of them I won. In
- the final analysis, I may not win this war. But I fought back
- hard. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this.
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